A sophisticated concise description yet genuine, controlled passion. You write as a horse ready to run chomping at the bit and on a loosened rein you RUN! Yes you certainly run to win! Excellent read. I happen to be smack dab in the middle of what you describe but oddly we’re both still here, thus far anyway. And no one has ever affected so much positive change in me, not sure its love that brought needed change, more so a releasing of sails, for his spirit is quietly powerful. Men are not typically taught how golden gentle silence can be.
This touched me deeply, though with one key difference for myself. While the essay says we forget our past selves, I actually remember exactly who I used to be. I just have no desire to go back because I genuinely love the person I have become today. I also completely agree with your critique of Stoicism. Detachment is a myth. Whether a relationship ends in love or in anger, the impact is already etched into our bones and there is simply no going back.
Indeed, Love has a quiet way of altering us. At first, it often brings uncertainty - even fear- as familiar versions of ourselves begin to shift.
Yet the change is rarely one-sided. If the feeling is genuine, both souls are transformed, each in their own time.
Perhaps the universe brews this transformation slowly, weaving moments of synchronicity that only patience and faith can recognize.
The quiet tyranny of love, then, isn't that it takes something from us- it's that it gently reshapes us until we're capable of receiving what has been growing between us all along.
I was especially drawn to the observation that there is "no prior edition of yourself to go back to." That thought becomes the quiet center of the essay because it reframes love as something that expands identity.
Lost love is brutal no matter how it comes. The changes you write about so beautifully still come over time even with the same loved one. I’ve had the same wife for 50 years. I am definitely a different person as is she . The physical , emotional and spiritual changes over decades both improve and degrade the love I look back on at its imagined flourishing peak in our 40s. We found each other beautiful when we were young. We are no longer that even to the kindest observer. We are still loving and attracted to each other but it’s not that amazing flame of youth. Patience, kindness and forgiveness have all improved though. Would I trade the quiet, peaceful old people love for the lusty love of early marriage.
No. Not if I had to go through the decades of living since again.
This hits pretty close to home for me. I'd say that having people who were close to me changed me for the better, even if it doesn't feel like it at times. Sometimes I look at those same people who made me a better person slowly fade away into people I now question. And whether or not I have to truly let them go, I'll try my best to always grow, even if it means leaving them behind. I wish I could forget the person I used to be, but the only thing I can do is let go and move on.
This article hits home for me in ways I cannot fully share yet. Thanks for sharing this.
The line about not being able to remember what it felt like to be her got me. I think that’s the part people skip when they talk about heartbreak it’s not just missing the person, it’s missing access to an earlier self you can’t get back to even if you wanted to. Makes me wonder if grief over a relationship is partly grief over a version of yourself you outgrew without meaning to.
This is so beautiful and resonated with me in so many ways. For example, the person we are after the love is gone from our hearts, minds, and life is still a changed person. Not necessarily always in a way we want or should be. But it does. And the next person we love gets to dismantle and reassemble us in different ways. Thank you for sharing this with us!
The way you describe love as something that quietly reshapes us, rather than simply something we experience, gave me so much to reflect on. Some changes really do become part of who we are, and there’s no going back to the person we were before. 🩷
This is absolutely stunning. The line where you say "love does not consult" really stopped me in my tracks. I also loved the idea that love rewrites us at the level of grammar rather than memory. So much writing about love focuses on possession or loss, but this captures transformation itself, and that's a much rarer thing. Beautifully written <3 honored to read more and more of you.
A sophisticated concise description yet genuine, controlled passion. You write as a horse ready to run chomping at the bit and on a loosened rein you RUN! Yes you certainly run to win! Excellent read. I happen to be smack dab in the middle of what you describe but oddly we’re both still here, thus far anyway. And no one has ever affected so much positive change in me, not sure its love that brought needed change, more so a releasing of sails, for his spirit is quietly powerful. Men are not typically taught how golden gentle silence can be.
Peace and strong health, AliceMae
🤍🤍🤍
This resonated deeply. Every friendship and love has altered who I am. Some with growth, others with pain. But each has impact which I carry forward.
🤍🤍
This touched me deeply, though with one key difference for myself. While the essay says we forget our past selves, I actually remember exactly who I used to be. I just have no desire to go back because I genuinely love the person I have become today. I also completely agree with your critique of Stoicism. Detachment is a myth. Whether a relationship ends in love or in anger, the impact is already etched into our bones and there is simply no going back.
🤍🤍
Indeed, Love has a quiet way of altering us. At first, it often brings uncertainty - even fear- as familiar versions of ourselves begin to shift.
Yet the change is rarely one-sided. If the feeling is genuine, both souls are transformed, each in their own time.
Perhaps the universe brews this transformation slowly, weaving moments of synchronicity that only patience and faith can recognize.
The quiet tyranny of love, then, isn't that it takes something from us- it's that it gently reshapes us until we're capable of receiving what has been growing between us all along.
🤍🤍
I was especially drawn to the observation that there is "no prior edition of yourself to go back to." That thought becomes the quiet center of the essay because it reframes love as something that expands identity.
🤍🤍
Interesting take on the hold a relationship takes and the subtle changes which this new relationship will be experienced.
It took a lifetime to learn to feel and I am still working through this new experience.
Nicely written.
🤍🤍
Lost love is brutal no matter how it comes. The changes you write about so beautifully still come over time even with the same loved one. I’ve had the same wife for 50 years. I am definitely a different person as is she . The physical , emotional and spiritual changes over decades both improve and degrade the love I look back on at its imagined flourishing peak in our 40s. We found each other beautiful when we were young. We are no longer that even to the kindest observer. We are still loving and attracted to each other but it’s not that amazing flame of youth. Patience, kindness and forgiveness have all improved though. Would I trade the quiet, peaceful old people love for the lusty love of early marriage.
No. Not if I had to go through the decades of living since again.
Good memories live on😊
🤍🤍
This hits pretty close to home for me. I'd say that having people who were close to me changed me for the better, even if it doesn't feel like it at times. Sometimes I look at those same people who made me a better person slowly fade away into people I now question. And whether or not I have to truly let them go, I'll try my best to always grow, even if it means leaving them behind. I wish I could forget the person I used to be, but the only thing I can do is let go and move on.
This article hits home for me in ways I cannot fully share yet. Thanks for sharing this.
🤍🤍
Brilliant
🤍🤍
The line about not being able to remember what it felt like to be her got me. I think that’s the part people skip when they talk about heartbreak it’s not just missing the person, it’s missing access to an earlier self you can’t get back to even if you wanted to. Makes me wonder if grief over a relationship is partly grief over a version of yourself you outgrew without meaning to.
It is a very real ppssibility
This is so beautiful and resonated with me in so many ways. For example, the person we are after the love is gone from our hearts, minds, and life is still a changed person. Not necessarily always in a way we want or should be. But it does. And the next person we love gets to dismantle and reassemble us in different ways. Thank you for sharing this with us!
🤍🤍
Another thoughtful piece. The people we meet have a way of changing us, usually when we least expect it.
🤍🤍
The way you describe love as something that quietly reshapes us, rather than simply something we experience, gave me so much to reflect on. Some changes really do become part of who we are, and there’s no going back to the person we were before. 🩷
This is absolutely stunning. The line where you say "love does not consult" really stopped me in my tracks. I also loved the idea that love rewrites us at the level of grammar rather than memory. So much writing about love focuses on possession or loss, but this captures transformation itself, and that's a much rarer thing. Beautifully written <3 honored to read more and more of you.